Attraction: Playful Teasing, Validation And Trust

I want to share something very important with
you regarding attracting women, and that is the
connection between THREE important elements
of attraction.

The first one is this concept of PLAYFUL teasing.

So the whole point behind this is that you are
doing several things at once.  By playfully
teasing her, you are showing that you aren’t
worshiping her, so that you are making it
clear you are not beneath her and not
supplicating to her. 

Yet you are ALSO showing that you and her
can be PLAYFUL with each other and not have
to be FORMAL and not have to follow social
conventions---and by doing all that, you create
the atmosphere that is FLIRTATIOUS.

Now, let me be really clear here about this playful
teasing stuff: 

On ONE hand, this is SUPER important, ESPECIALLY
for men living in the western world where third wave
feminism has really brainwashed men into supplicating
to women, and supplication ALWAYS destroys attraction.

So this playful teasing is a way to IMMEDIATELY
make it clear that you are not supplicating.

But so many guys end up CALIBRATING their teases
INCORRECTLY in the following ways:

They go too far, and they come across as MEAN.
Or they simply aren’t funny, they just come across
as goofy or weird. Or the guy just keeps on doing
it again and again and again and doesn’t know
when to stop, and then comes across as mean
again, or lacking social skills.

So one of the MOST IMPORTANT things to remember
regarding playful teasing is to PAY CLOSE ATTENTION
to the specific woman you are interacting with.

The more she seems to ALREADY VALUE you, or
respect you, or be giving you her attention, the
LESS intense your tease should be, and in fact you
may even be able to ABANDON the whole tease
and JUST be playful with her, and accomplish
the same goal of creating a non-formal and
flirtatious vibe.

And this is where I need to bring up the third-wave
feminist stuff again.

Because I promise you, it is NO COINCIDENCE that
almost EVERY SINGLE TIME that my students (and
in my own personal experience in terms of the women
I have dated and been in relationships with) were able
to SKIP the heavy teasing or other related ideas, it was
with women who were from countries where third-wave
feminism never took off.

Whether it was women from countries in South America
or parts of Eastern Europe or certain other countries,
they were always countries where the man-hating versions
of feminism never took off.

And it makes perfect sense, because these women
haven’t been indoctrinated with toxic attitudes towards
men.

And the IRONY, just by the way, of course, is that
when a man experiences what it feels like to have
this kind of NATURAL woman, who is more positive
in her attitude toward men, it makes a man WANT
to treat her even BETTER, it makes him OF COURSE
want to respect her to the ULTIMATE MAX, because
most men LOVE women, when things are not distorted
by a crazy society.

The UNIVERSAL point here, though, is that the
TEASING part is something that is there to show
that you aren’t supplicating, but if you are chatting
with a woman who doesn’t even EXPECT or THINK
you WOULD be supplicating, then there is NO NEED
for it!

And in fact, it would be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE.

It could easily come across as MEAN-SPIRITED.

Again, this is a CULTURAL thing.
Think about how Britney Spears releases a song, and
this is a woman with MILLIONS of teenage girl fans,
and her song says, “It’s Britney, bitch” in the lyrics.

Or all the songs by female pop stars about how
they are in charge and promiscuous etc, etc.

This is an EROSION of values, of femininity.

But not all cultures think this is COOL for women.
And more importantly, the women in many cultures
think this is DISGUSTING.

CULTURE is very, VERY important.
And we are living in a culture that goes AGAINST nature.
It tries to turn women into men, and men into women.

But within any dominant culture, there are subcultures.
So it is still possible to meet women who don’t subscribe
to the third-wave feminist thinking- and this includes not
only women who have recently moved here from
countries with better attitudes towards men, but
also it includes women who grew up in families
where the old-school values were somehow still
kept intact.

So, to translate this into a practical example, if you
are about to approach a woman you see somewhere,
and she is giving off a friendly vibe to you from the
GET-GO, like smiling at you, or any other kind of
friendly attitude from the start, you really should
HOLD OFF from the teasing part, and just keep
it playful and confident in other ways.

Let your TONALITY and body language show your
confidence and your flirty vibe.

Also, even when interacting with women who are
more typical of western women, as soon as they
show signs of ATTRACTION, e.g. they start
asking you what your name is, they start smiling
more, maybe even touching you playfully, etc.,
it is a good idea to move to the NEXT stage
of the interaction, which is building a connection
and finding commonalities that are meaningful.

This is where it’s a good time to ask her things
like what she enjoys doing, and seeing if you
can relate to any of those things, especially
if you can relate to it in a way that is intriguing,
funny, or inspiring-and mostly just a way
that is MEANINGFUL and true.

This brings us to the NEXT related idea, which is
VALIDATION.

One of the greatest feelings we get from any social
interaction is the feelings of being ACCEPTED,
being CONFIRMED, being VALIDATED by others.

Most human beings have a need for some kind
of SOCIAL validation, approval, etc.

It is part of how we form our self-concepts.

And so this TOO is affected by the kind of values
and attitudes towards MEN that a woman grows
up with.

If she grows up in a society where she is constantly
told that WOMEN DO EVERYTHING THAT MEN
DO BUT WOMEN DO IT BETTER, and she is told
that WOMEN ARE NOBLE but MEN ARE EVIL,
etc, etc, etc., well it’s going to take MORE to
convince her that ANYTHING a man says to
her is worth anything.

So, THAT is the REASON why the TEASING
is more important in our society.  It’s because
most men are so brainwashed to supplicate
to women, especially attractive women, that
it’s not AS VALIDATING to these women when
a man gives her a compliment right out of the
blue- unless his tonality ALREADY implies
MASSIVE confidence in himself.

The TEASING shows that he is NOT going
to worship her so fast, that he has NOT already
MELTED into A PUDDLE beneath her just because
she is a woman.

So THAT makes her feel “HMMMMM. THIS
GUY MUST BE DIFFERENT.  WHY IS HE
NOT MELTING LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY?
WHAT IS IT ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES HIM
SUPERIOR?”

Now, this doesn’t happen CONSCIOUSLY,
it happens subconsciously in her brain.

So NOW, she actually WANTS him to VALIDATE
her, because she senses that unlike other men,
she does not AUTOMATICALLY have his
validation, and this REALLY TURNS HER
WORLD UPSIDE DOWN.

And it is VERY IMPORTANT to her to get it
RIGHT SIDE UP again.  This need is very
real, it strikes her on a core level in terms
of her VERY SELF-CONCEPT that her
WHOLE LIFE she has been taught that she
is SUPERIOR.  And so now EVERYTHING
hangs in the balance, and all this SKYROCKETS
the value of this guy who is NOT validating her.

And so when you DO validate her, it should be
based on a compliment that you give her for things
such as her EFFORT to treat you WELL, or based
on things she says that reflect well on her CHARACTER.

Only THEN do you validate her or compliment her.

HOWEVER, if you are so slow to validate a woman
who ALREADY respects men in general, and you
come in with a HARD tease, it is just MEAN.

And then, instead of triggering her desire to be
validated, you instead sent her a message that
you are CRUEL.

Now, obviously there is a RANGE of women’s
attitudes towards men, and they are not all
on the extremes, and also there is a RANGE
of intensities of playful teases.

This is where CALIBRATION comes in, where
you have to read the situation, read the woman’s
expressions and body language and reactions,
and you have to adjust for the situation.

NONE of this means that you are supposed to
KISS UP to women from cultures or countries
that are free from third-wave feminism, either.

These women want their men to be MEN,
and that may sound simple, but when a
man grows up in a culture that tells him
he is worthless and evil and that it is his
job to impress a woman but not vice versa,
being a man is something many men have
been conditioned to be AFRAID to show.

So believe me, these women from non-third-wave
feminist countries and cultures can TAKE a joke;
they have great senses of humor, and they
don’t want you to supplicate. 

And this leads to the final topic for today,
which is TRUST.

Without TRUST, the whole foundation becomes
very shaky, and it can destroy the initial interaction,
and it will DEFINITELY destroy any chances of a
LONG-TERM success with the woman.

Without TRUST, there is the primal ALARM
saying: DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

And when her mind senses DANGER, she will
just want one thing- to get AWAY.

So it is REALLY important that when you are
teasing, not only that you don’t go TOO far,
but also that you don’t forget to build up the
TRUST as well, later on in the interaction.

She needs to feel she can TRUST you with not
only her PHYSICAL self, but also with her EMOTIONS.

So this is why it is of MASSIVE, MASSIVE, MASSIVE
importance to be able to also show her that she is
in good hands with you, on every level.

This is why it is important to demonstrate and have
GENUINE empathy, and to take the time to
find out about her personality, to listen well,
to make a maximum effort to create a bubble
of safety for her where she feels it is safe to
continue building this connection with you,
and to continue escalating this interaction
with you.

Now, if you are reading this right now, you can
probably tell that this level of detail can ONLY
come from YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS
of actual EXPERIENCE with all KINDS of women.

And not only for the purpose of attraction in general,
but ESPECIALLY for the kind of attraction that leads
to REAL girlfriends, and not one-night stands.

A promiscuous woman looking for a one-night stand
is not investing emotionally, so she doesn’t require
as much when you initially try to attract her.

But if you are looking for a woman to truly be
your girlfriend, she needs to know she is making
a WISE decision.

The FASTEST way to learn how to do all this is
by taking my BOOTCAMP program, where you
will get CUSTOMIZED coaching in a private,
EXCLUSIVE bootcamp with me, and you will
actually be approaching and attracting women
in all types of public places like shops and
cafes, as I coach you one-on-one.

BOOTCAMP is at:

https://www.thedatingwizardreturns.com/bootcamp.html

You can also arrange personal SKYPE consultations
with me, where I can coach you on how to not only
master the process of attracting women, but also
help you with any matter related to dating or relationships.

CONSULTATIONS are at:

https://www.thedatingwizardreturns.com/consultations.html

And if you haven’t yet read my book called
THE DATING WIZARD RETURNS,
then definitely do that IMMEDIATELY, at:

https://www.thedatingwizardreturns.com/book.html

This book is as important to attracting women as
OXYGEN is to LIFE.

Till next time,

Michael Marks