THE POWER OF SELF-VALIDATION IN ATTRACTING WOMEN

This article will help blow apart one hell of a lot of myths, and bring greater clarity to so many issues regarding dating, relationships, attraction, and much more. By far, the most powerful force that controls people’s lives and behaviours is their need for feeling worthy, for feeling validated.

Ultimately, if you have SELF-acceptance at the highest level, you will radiate so much attraction, you will begin to attract women with very little conscious effort. This happens for a very solid reason, as I will explain below. This is not just new-age hocus pocus.

THE MYTH

The biggest myth people believe is that in order to accept themselves, something has to happen. And usually, it is more than just one thing. In fact, so many things, in their opinion, have to happen, that they make it impossible for themselves to ever reach a point where they will allow self-acceptance.

Now, this feeling is often the motivating force for many people. People will work really hard to make money, to impress women, to do whatever needs to be done to get what they believe will be validation, in order so that they themselves can feel SELF-VALIDATION.

The problem is though, and you may have heard this before, that if you don’t accept yourself first and foremost, you will find that it is almost impossible to feel validation no matter how much external validation you get.

THE TRUTH ABOUT MOST “PLAYERS”

This is the reason most “players” are hooked on “picking up women”. Sex is the smallest part of the motivation, and validation is the biggest. Constant re-validation. In this sense, picking up women becomes a source of validation similar to how making money or bodybuilding or anything else might provide some validation for others. Nothing is “wrong” except that it doesn’t work as a source of validation if it is the primary source.

Again, it’s a question of balance. No one is saying that these things don’t help, but when out of balance, it’s a sign that validation is becoming externally driven, which is dangerous.

In fact, most people, including the “hottest” women, are on such shaky ground when it comes to self-validation, that they are easy prey to those who know how to manipulate this need. I am not an advocate of playing games on women, because not only does it feel creepy, but in the end, those who need too much external validation are very bad choices for partners.

They will need endless validation tricks by you in order to stick around, whereas if they were high self-esteem to begin with, they would not need it.

This is why you can actually treat SOME women well, and they will not become spoiled, for they expect to be treated well, not because they are spoiled but because they are high self-esteem. Again, treating a woman well is not the same as kissing up to her or feeling the need to buy her presents all the time or crap like that.

Such women, just like such men, are rare.

PHASE II – THE MENTAL “INNER GAME” VIRUS

Okay, so now I want to get into phase II of this article.

THE IRONY OF ALL THIS IS, IF YOU HAVE SELF-ACCEPTANCE, YOU WILL NOT BECOME LAZY. IN FACT, YOU WILL BECOME EVEN MORE EFFICIENT AND PRODUCTIVE THAN THE OBSESSED VALIDATION-SEEKERS.

Think of your mind as a computer. Think of the need for external validation as a virus or spyware on your computer.

It slows down performance, makes you sluggish, causes mental programs to act strange, sometimes causing a mental crash.

Now, think of eliminating this crap from your mind as the equivalent of having all the junk screwing up your computer completely cleaned out.

What happens then is your mind is FREE to finally experience S-E-L-F V-A-L-I-D-A-T-I-O-N.

And, because states of mind are so damn catchy, what happens is that women in your presence start to pick up on this feeling and they experience it too.

And since MOST of attraction these days, for most people, is triggered by needs for VALIDATION, far more than by needs for sex, guess what comes across as the ultimate “babe” magnet?

I’ll give you a hint:
It’s called having S-E-L-F V-A-L-I-D-A-T-I-O-N.

Let’s go back to the computer virus analogy:
When you are cleaned up from the wrong way of thinking, suddenly you become INCREDIBLY RESOURCEFUL. Your mind truly is more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Since I started out, I have always recommended that guys learn how to succeed with women by acting as if they were already on cloud nine where everything was perfect. And the funny thing is, if you truly act this way for long enough, you will feel that way too. Until you allow someone or something to break your frame. Usually it will be someone who has a very strong negative frame and can’t stand your positive aura for it means they are living the wrong way. And that would mean they have to change, which is hard.

Moreover, most guys have no real clue of just how powerful the aura is of someone who truly has self-acceptance. You have to experience it, genuinely attempt it, or observe it, to believe it.

You see, what we all want is that awesome feeling described as “totally worthy”. This is why some people who are insecure will gravitate towards others who are insecure. They don’t believe that they are worthy of more.

At the same time, those who are a little more secure but not totally secure will seek the validation of others who are similar to themselves, because for them, the validation of an insecure person does not mean as much as getting the validation of a secure person.

This validation/security/self-worth thing is almost like a currency. Different types of validation have different values.

THE IRONY

Now, here comes another big part of the puzzle:
If you are doing all this to get women, you will never get to the highest level.

Yes, a good woman will enhance your life. But she will not make you or break you unless you allow it.

This whole sex thing has been taken to the hilt in our current culture, where sex is used to sell even things like cola, toilet paper, cigarettes, and nail clippers, as if one brand will make you sexier than another brand. And the crazy thing is, that because of the power of association and marketing, some folks really do judge people on this.

So, at first to learn, you can imitate.
So how does a guy with total self-acceptance behave?

Well, for one thing, he doesn’t knowingly let his own life get out of balance. He doesn’t allow his beliefs to get compromised. He won’t compromise his dignity in order to get on a woman’s “good side”. He can focus on work, but he is not obsessed to the point that he is addicted, for it is not his sole source of validation.

He will not try to show off to a woman to get on her “good side”.

Showing off, unless you are talking to a woman who believes she has no value, and deserves to be treated like crap, is always a downer. You see, let’s say you really are telling the truth when you show off. Then it sounds like you are boasting which seems insecure, or just seems like you are plain mean.

If she finds out you were not even telling the truth, then you really come across as pathetic.

In fact, by being modest and yet acting confident, you are REALLY conveying that you are simply a cool guy who is not into making people feel crappy.

How else does a guy with total self-acceptance behave?
Well, if there is a woman he would like to speak with, he will speak with her to find out more, and not worry what her reaction is. He is not so caught up or serious regarding her reaction, because it really has nothing to do with him.

Think about why a guy might worry about his math test because he didn’t study, but will not worry so much about it if he knew he studied his hardest. Even if he fails the test, if he knows he did his part by studying, he won’t worry as much. He did his part. The rest is not up to him. We tend to worry when we feel responsible for everything. You are not responsible for a woman’s emotions, you are only responsible for doing your best, and for controlling your own emotions. This is in fact the best way to influence a woman’s emotions.

A guy who is self-accepting is not into “cheating”, or “seducing” married women, or women who are in relationships, because he has no need to “prove his value to himself”.

YOU ATTRACT IT BY BECOMING IT ON AN INTERNAL LEVEL

This brings me to a finer point:
In life, you ATTRACT something by BECOMING it. This is why bitter people hang out together, gossipers hang out together, cheaters hang out together, etc.

What most guys do, is they want an attractive woman, and then they try to reverse-figure out how to get her, instead of just being the coolest versions of themselves that they can be.

So these guys copy typical attractive women’s mannerisms, belief structures, value systems, lingo, etc. EVEN IF IT IS A DAMAGING BELIEF SYSTEM, etc.

These guys end up attracting these women, and having the exact same ISSUES as these women. They will complain that every woman is a cheater, because in fact, these women seek out men who cheat. Since the over-riding value system is all about external validation, which is a bottomless pit, the guys who emulate these values end up with the consequences of those values.

Now, there are SOME behaviours, such as a certain amount of confidence in this specific arena of dating, that attractive women often have, that are good to model. However, for many attractive women, this confidence is shattered the moment their worth is seriously challenged, for so few guys challenge the worth of an attractive woman. Even the “players” don’t really challenge it ultimately, they just ACT like they are challenging it.

Since most guys are looking for long term success with women, I recommend becoming what you really want.

I’m not here to tell you what to want. Just remember, you get something by BECOMING it.

If you want a woman who is INTERNALLY validated, who is relaxed, who is happy, who is at peace, who is fun, who has a sense of humour, who will not cheat, who takes care of herself as best as possible, who is confident, who doesn’t kiss up to people, who doesn’t need to get validation every second from every guy, who has a solid sense of where she wants her future to go, who has friends of good moral standing, who stands up for what she believes in, who does not have a quick temper, ad INFINITUM, then become that person yourself.

Trust me, a woman who has all those qualities can pick up pretty damn fast if a guy does NOT have those qualities.

HOW WOMEN DETECT YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE

It boils down to MICRO-EXPRESSIONS and other super-subtle nuances in your body language and tonality that cannot be consciously controlled by any other mechanism except actually GENUINELY feeling those emotions yourself, and genuinely living those values.

Women SUBCONSCIOUSLY detect all these thousands and millions of tiny nuances and subtleties in your body language, tonality, and facial expressions, even if they only flash across your face for a fraction of a second and are actually too quick to consciously remember.

And the SUBCONSCIOUS is what is making women FEEL their emotions one way or another about you.

I have never been a fan of “fooling women” into anything.

FOOLING WOMEN IS FOR GUYS WHO THINK THEY NEED TO FOOL WOMEN.

WHEN YOU ARE “THE MAN”, YOU DON’T NEED TO FOOL ANYONE BECAUSE YOU NATURALLY ATTRACT THE KIND OF WOMEN YOU WANT AND WHO WANT YOU.

I get a good laugh every time I hear about guys who promote “player” tactics, or try to pretend that getting drunk promiscuous women into acting all “physical” really quickly has ANYTHING AT ALL IN THIS UNIVERSE to do with actually attracting a quality woman on a deep level- and I mean attracting the kind of woman who is loyal, faithful, beautiful, and warm.

The truth is that “player women” are looking for “player guys”. There is no need for either of them to pretend. In fact, “TRYING” to be GENUINE comes across as WEIRD and NOT genuine. What these “gurus” are really trying to do is teach guys who are not players and don’t want to be players how to imitate player behavior.

If you really get happiness from a player lifestyle, then just find those women. And remember, make sure you are doing it for yourself, not for validation, or the only person who REALLY gets screwed will be yourself, in more ways than one.

And if you really want something MORE than that, then be that person and let your real personality shine.

Not the ass-kissing, scared, needing approval for who you are personality, but your REAL personality, the one you’d have if you KNEW that you could NOT FAIL.

How would you dress if you were EXPLODING with confidence?
How would you talk?
How would you act?

What kind of values would you have if you KNEW you could be successful in finding a QUALITY woman?

Now, I have some really important news for you on top of all this. 

Not only are women truly attracted to this MASSIVE sense of self-validation in men, but if you also knew the FULL TRUTH regarding female sexual psychology, you would realize how EASY it is to attract women and create strong connections with women, and you would be INFINITELY MOTIVATED to go out and approach women.

It is for these reasons that, if you are serious about getting the woman of your dreams, you simply MUST get my new book NOW. We are living in a culture where men are BEATEN DOWN when it comes to their self-esteem and sense of self-validation, and this is happening on so many levels including UNCONSIOUS levels that there is NO WAY to for you to even REALIZE how far down the rabbit hole this battle against your self-esteem goes.

In my book, you will be AWAKENED, you will have your eyes OPENED, and of course you will also learn the most cutting edge, most powerful HOW-TO regarding inner game, attracting women, making women turned on, keeping the attraction strong long-term, and how to deal with EVERY aspect of approaching women, dating women, getting physical, and much, much more.

This book is the NEXT LEVEL.  It is also ALL NEW material- material that is absolutely VITAL and EARTH-SHATTERINGLY IMPORTANT for any man who really wants THE MOST success with women that he can possibly have.

This book truly is the definition of CUTTING EDGE.  It represents the absolute most advanced insights and strategies for INFINITE success with quality women.

Download it immediately at:

http://www.thedatingwizardreturns.com/book.html

In addition to this ESSENTIAL book, you can also get PERSONALIZED coaching from me tailored to meet your EXACT goals, challenges, situations, questions, and needs. For most men, the most powerful form of this coaching is where I help you MASTER the area of INNER GAME.  INNER GAME is all about having the most powerful STATES of MIND.

The best performers in every field, from sports to finance to politics to the arts, all know that their EXTERNAL PERFORMANCE in the “real world” is directly linked to their INTERNAL STATES OF MIND deep inside them.

When you are not able to be in the BEST frames of mind, you simply cannot effectively attract women. 

I believe that most men STARTED OUT right as kids, and then over the years what happened is WRONG associations regarding all kinds of things got made. Whether it was the wrong beliefs about themselves, their abilities, their worth, their abilities with women, their perspectives on women, their perspectives on the world, and many other perspectives.

Over time, sometimes DECADES, the negative beliefs and associations were made so often that they became super STRONG negative beliefs, to the point that they seemed impossible to challenge.

I have over THIRTEEN YEARS experience helping guys FIX UP all this INTERNAL WIRING, especially as it relates to attracting women. I’ve coached men who are the BEST in their own respective fields- men who know themselves that in order to master anything, it just makes SENSE to go to someone who knows their own field inside out.

And trust me, this is about so much more than just thinking positive. If thinking positive was all that was required, everyone would have a state of PERFECT INNER GAME by now.  In fact, JUST thinking positive without any guidance, can sometimes lead to even bigger frustrations and problems.

I have helped men from ALL OVER THE GLOBE master their inner game, and you can even see their testimonials on my website, including video filmed testimonials.

Success with women is not about some magic MOVE or pick up line. It’s about what is going on INSIDE of you.  

To book a consultation with me or to learn more about my live consultation service, which can be done in person or via Skype, phone, or email, go  here:

http://www.thedatingwizardreturns.com/consultations.html

To put it all together and take your INNER GAME and apply it as you approach and attract women, take  my BOOTCAMP program, where your program is COMPLETELY CUSTOMIZED TO YOU.

That means the entire program has been devised
with your personality in mind, your goals in mind, 
your learning style in mind, your history in mind,
your needs in mind.

When you take bootcamp with me, you are taking
a program that has been REFINED over THIRTEEN
YEARS to a level that is LIGHT YEARS AHEAD
of what ANYONE ELSE in this field is doing.

Attracting women has nothing to do with how much
you can get drunk women to make out with you.

It has nothing to do with being outlandish.

In fact, those things show IMMATURITY, and
quality women value emotional maturity in men
to an infinitely high degree.  That’s the reason
many women prefer older men- it’s the
EMOTIONAL MATURITY.

And you can see how hard it is for quality women
to meet emotionally mature men by simply taking
a quick look at YouTube and the MASSIVE NUMBER
of men who are obsessed with watching drunk and
promiscuous women at clubs getting physical with
guys.

The HIGH NUMBERS are PROOF of just how
INFANTILE and immature so many men are today.
I’m not blaming men for this, as there are many reasons
for this, including a lack of proper role models.

The women out there that men want-women who are
loyal, warm, beautiful, feminine, with solid values-
they can SNIFF out immaturity in a HEARTBEAT.

When you take BOOTCAMP or any other program
with me, you are getting the most MATURE and
advanced training in the entire WORLD for attracting
women and keeping them attracted long-term.

BOOTCAMP is at:

http://www.thedatingwizardreturns.com/bootcamp.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks